“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his soul.”
One topic that comes up most often when coaching people is their fear of being alone. It’s sad to know that there are so many lonely people in the world who don’t know how to enjoy their life unless they have a significant other. Tom Cruise’s famous line, “You complete me” sounds so sweet and nice in the movies but when you need someone to make you whole, it’s time to do some soul searching.
It’s a dream for many to share their lives with someone, to live happily ever after and to know that they have loved and were loved by someone. But, if for some reason that is not your reality and you find yourself single again or still single, what is so bad about you that you don’t enjoy your own company?
Loneliness and the fear of being alone seem to set in when the only thing you aspire to is to have a relationship. Or, when all that really matters to you is being connected with someone and being alone feels like there is something wrong with you. The only thing wrong with you is that it becomes your only focus.
Well, if that’s the case, how on earth do you think you are going to feel when the only thing you want you don’t have?
You may even get to the point of being desperate and we all know that’s not attractive, not to mention that desperation is a horrible feeling. So why, if you have a choice, would you want to subject yourself to fear and loneliness? This is where people lose perspective. They don’t believe they have a choice and they also don’t understand that what they focus on in life will become what they experience.
So if being lonely and feeling bad because you don’t have someone is on your mind a lot you will attract what you focus on, which is being lonely and feeling bad and that is exactly what you will get; more loneliness and more sadness.
But more to the point, why do you need someone else to be happy? There are so many other ways to find fulfillment and happiness in your life but you are only focused on one solution, a partner to “complete” you. I say, “Get a life.” Take back your power. Don’t give it to someone “out there” that you don’t even know yet.
Learn to love yourself and like being with yourself. When you start to “get out of yourself” so to speak, and either volunteer your time, learn about a new subject, take up yoga, go to cooking class or learn a new language, learn to play an instrument, write a book, read a book or whatever, you become a more interesting person!
Plus the best part is you aren’t focused on your life being so terrible because you don’t have someone in it. Instead you have several interesting and fulfilling goals that fill your time while you are just hanging out and enjoying your own company.
Last but not least, you become your own best friend and you really start enjoying your life. And, that new sense of contentment and aura of confidence will emanate from you. You will not only rid yourself of that relentless feeling of being lonely but you may even learn its okay to be alone after all.
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