Gay Happiness – Relational Growth Into Happiness 4


Firstly we said you should look after your body, secondly you should rectify your perspective on time, and thirdly you should build a healthy outlook on the materialistic aspect of you life in you want to be happy. In this article we are going to discus relationships. In some way understanding happiness was driven by my interest in why many gay relations failed. I originally had a theory that gay relations fail because so many gay people are unhappy. From a neurological perspective happiness is related to neurotransmitters in you brain and these transmitters are destroyed by stress. I thought stress in the gay community was mainly caused by the rejection of society. So to put it in a rational line; Rejection gives stress, stress destroys neurotransmitters, lack of neurotransmitters gives depression or unhappiness, unhappiness destroys gay relationships. I still believe that this argument holds water, but it is also true that a good relationship gives you happiness. So in my research into the aspects of happiness I realized that relationships are not only destroyed by unhappiness; It also helps to give you happiness if you take care of them. You could there say that some gay people might be unhappy because they did not look after their relationships in the first place. This is getting a bit technical so let's dive into the practical aspects of our relationships.

  1. Comparison

Before we get into the actual relationships we do have, we have to think about our perspective on relationships as such. Do you see other people as team members or as the opposition? This is a very important question to ask because people who see others as the enemy are rarely happy campers. I have a few clients who believe that everyone is out to get them and none of them are very happy. If you talk to them they either complain about the corporate world screwing us, the government nailing us, small businesses stealing from us, or they complain about other individuals who have it better than us. Everybody is the enemy, nobody is on our side, and life is one disaster after another. In fact they see all other people as competition and they are constantly comparing themselves with everyone else. If this is your perspective on life you are definitely depressed and you seriously need a doctor.

On the other hand there are people who never compare themselves with others because they have no goals. They are happy with everything and nothing seems to get to them. They do not care about the corporate world taking over, the government's mismanagement, or the neighbor who have a better job because he works hard. They are more than happy with the status quo. I think Homer Simpson falls in that category.


The third possibility is a bit more balanced. You have to take notice if the corporate world and the government screw you over, but you also have to pick your battles. As an individual you can open your mouth, but make peace with the fact that you will not be able to close down Walmart. As for individuals, some are enemies and others are friends, but one friend is worth more than a thousand enemies. Do not compare yourself with others the whole time because life is not just a competition. Be glad for friends if they are successful and do not make yourself happy by comparing their wealth with yours. There will always be richer, smarter, more learned, more important, and stronger people than you are, but comparing yourself with them only makes you unhappy. Be happy with what you have and grateful for you abilities.

  1. Public

We all have public and personal relationships. The personal relationships are more important, but both kinds play a role in your happiness. It is not true that only personal relationships matter. Your public standing in a community is related to your good name. If you are known as a criminal, a slut, a schemer, or a pig it plays a role in your self-image. It does not matter what other people say if they are judgmental, tattlers, attention seekers, or bad mouths, but that will never be everyone; It will always be a stupid few if what they say is untrue. If it is true it is a different all together, because then you have lost your good name and that will not only make you unpopular, it will make you unhappy as well. Your self-image are based on characteristics like friendship, being trustworthy, decency, and sympathy, if you do not positions those you will not value yourself and that destroyions happiness.

  1. Personal

Personal relationships are of the utmost importance for happiness. Research have shown that people with five or more close relationships are generally happier that those with less. If you are trustworthy, friendly, and sympathetic you would not have to seek out friends, they will come to you. A happy life is impossible without friendship, and unfriendly people rarely have friends. Like one of my friends always says, it is nice to be a human being, but then you have to be a nice human being. Personal friendship takes effort, but its rewards are tenfold.

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Brand Doubell


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