A mother influences a son's psycho-sexual development and determines to a great extent not only what he thinks about himself but also what he thinks about women in general. Having too close but damaging relationship with one's mother especially at the adolescence confusing period of one's life confuses an already confused adolescent. It can cause long term self esteem issues.
1. Your mother's relationships with men – husband, boyfriend, brother, father and friends – are the first and most compelling examples of how you believes on how a man interacts, or should interact with a female are shaped.
2. Mothers are the first and most constant expression of what a woman is. Most men's view of the women is affected by what the mother has demonstrated. Some mothers, unwittingly and sometimes unconsciously, try to replace departed or absentee husbands with sons and mistakenly turn their sons into mother's confidant and pal.
3. Sons are affected by the mother's relationships with men and the male role models in a young man's life.
4. Mothers who use manipulation, put pressure and "guilt-trips" maintain their hold on their sons. Your mother knows that you are always going to come to her rescue when and how she wants. This makes you feel helpless and powerless in the relationship.
5. When mothers do not cut the chord, so to say, a mother will remain dependent on their sons, and sons enable this to happen.
How this may be affecting your dating / relationships with women
1. All the reminiscent clutter that lay dormant in the mind, reincarnate every time you are with a woman. These are memories that, whether you realize it or not, have a heavy influence on many aspects of your dating life, from the kind of women you chose to how the women treat you.
2. You did not have the chance to grow into psycho-sexual independent man who stands up for what he believes in and wants. As a result you have trouble choosing a good woman; one who does not expect you to give her everything she wants, but one who is going to be kind, considerate, loving.
3. You've never had the experience of seeing your mother engaged in a loving, positive healthy relationship with a man to learn how to give love to a woman. Instead you were forced to become the "man" in her life before you'd learned to be a "man" by yourself. Your relationship with your mother has somehow taught you that you are responsible for women rather than that you are responsive to women. In some way you feel that you have to take away the hurt.
4. You unconsciously replace your mother with the women in your life and mistakenly turn into their confidant and pal.
5. In an effort to have an intimate, loving relationship with a woman, you unconsciously default to recreating your parent's relationship. It's great for a while, but then all the same issues resurface.
6. You have difficulty finding the right balance of love and 'power ", strength and softness etc. When you have difficulty finding the right balance of strength and softness etc you may be attracted to the idea of having someone in your life but aren' t actually interested in a relationship because all you've known is hurt and pain. So as much as you get into a relationship, there is a sense of "pending" doom and you feel helpless and powerless about it. The women interpret it as lack of commitment on your part, you are boring, you are not strong enough or man enough etc. They test you and test you to get a different reaction which you are not able to give because you do not know how.
7. Consequently, as an adult you pull away from women, become distant, abrasive, unaffectionate etc. when you can not provide that kind of counsel or feel that despite what you do you are not living up to what you think they want.
If you suspect that the relationship with your mother has negatively affected or is negatively affecting your dating / relationships with women, begin the process of "cutting the cord". You can do this by yourself (I have DIY self-help workbook on breaking bad relationship patterns available for online download end of August 07) or you can work directly with a professional to help you severe the rotten "birth code" still attached to your mother.
When you no longer carry the "baggage" of your childhood, you are emotionally free to be in your ideal relationship. When you're emotionally free, you are better able to:
1. Recognize partners who are incompatible with you before you get involved;
2. Naturally attract more suitable partners;
3. Stop trying to resolve issues from old relationships in your current one;
4. Transform all of your relationships to be clear and satisfying.
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Yangki Christine Akiteng