As a recently divorced woman, back on the dating scene after years of marriage I am becoming quite an expert on dating, relationships, love and romance. I have been dating again for the past three years and it is oh so different now that I have the wisdom of years and experience behind me. And knowing what I don’t want in a man. To be honest- no offence guys, I am tired of MEN telling MEN what we women want. Most articles I have read and programmes I have followed don’t come close to what I and my women friends find attractive in a man and to what we want from a relationship. I know! I have three sisters and many friends who are divorced and/or whose husbands have had affairs. And we have talked long into the night about this. Some common features have emerged so guys take note. I am going to be straight and honest so hang on tight and be prepared. I thought I would be honest and tell it like it is.
1. Physical Appearance.
This is obviously the first contact you will have in the flesh, so to speak. Lets face it, you have to look good, smell good, and if your are fortunate to get that far, taste and feel good too. If you don’t pass first base on the shallow but essential appearance front – forget it. Now some people will tell you appearance doesn’t matter but I can tell you they are not being truthful. So guys start investing in you and keep it up. Invest in your fitness and physical appearance. Get in shape. Sorry but fat and squishy in a man is not attractive. Nor is skin and bones. Nor is muscle bound, especially if you are the sort of man who forgets to work out your legs and looks like a human triangle on stilts. Yes I have known a few.
Got bad teeth? Fix them. Got yellow smoker’s teeth? Yes this has happened to me too with a man who seemed lovely in his dating site photo. Disgusting! Give up the fags and clean those teeth or find a woman smoker who shares your yellow teeth and doesn’t mind. There must be a smokers dating site. Let me know.
Now on to the topic of hair. No hair i.e. bald, is sexy-very sexy on a well groomed confident guy. Some of my friends only look at men with shaved heads or no hair. So ‘wear’ it with confidence if that is you. No wigs, hair pieces or other ridiculous hair substitutes.
Hair in any style or color, long, short, curly or straight must be clean and cut regularly. Find a style that suits you. A ‘can’t be bothered’ hair style, that’s not deliberately meant to be that way says you are a ‘can’t be bothered ‘sort of person. Women don’t appreciate this is a man.
What about facial hair? To be honest, I personally don’t know a woman who really likes it on a man. But there are certainly plenty of women out there who do. Keep it neat and clean. No spinach hiding in there please. I like a small growth of day old beard but that is just me.
If you eventually start a physical relationship with a woman she will appreciate a clean, fresh body. Why not take a lead from us women and exfoliate your skin? (That is use a rough body scrub or friction mitt in the shower to smooth off your skin,) Then moisturize. The male cosmetics industry is set to boom so join the club guys. Women love a moisturized man. And later on if you are luck, she may help you out with that. Trust me. Tans do not matter so long as your skin is fabulous to stroke.
2. Dress sense is not the same as fashion sense.
No matter what your style of dress, and there are horses for course, make sure you dress ‘up to date’. Even if you are eighty and looking for love check out what people are wearing these days. Go on-line take note of the fashions in stores and try things out. Have a look in men’s fashion magazines. .
You could take years off your age that way too. But be careful to not become a ‘last chance trendy’ or ‘mutton dressed as lamb’. Ask your friends and shop assistants for there opinion. Be aware of a fashion’ faux pas’ like the v -neck sweater with chest hair showing. Go on -line and check these out for yourself. Clean shoes go without saying. Unless you meet on a hike or on a building site of course.
Tall or short doesn’t matter. Posture does. Stand up ‘tall’ and look confident but not arrogant. Make yourself seen my imaging yourself emanating sexy positive energy. I can assure you women pick up on this. You can practice in the mirror saying positive affirmations to yourself such as “I am confident and sexy and attractive.” Ten times in a row, twice a day. Then say it to yourself when you are out.
4. Eye Contact.
It’s the first thing that has to happen if you are to attract a woman. There are no rules to how this will happen. It will depend on the circumstances. If you are in a bar you might throw a few glances first, then hold contact and next approach if she seems to reciprocate. If you are out and about you may be able to go straight to it and start with a question or an opinion or offer some help if the opportunity presents itself. The rule is SMILE and smile with your eyes in a confident and warm way. I don’t want to hear you are too shy. You have to do it. It is the biggest attraction technique and every woman I know has said it of any guy she has had a relationship with. ” He has a lovely, warm smile.” It can melt a woman’s heart.
5. The Conversation.
If you can, without sounding false, pay a compliment to the women you have chosen. Do not make is ‘cheesy’ and ‘chat up speak’. This will only make the woman laugh and probably cringe. Find a genuine reason and say it truthfully. Drop it in the conversation naturally at the appropriate time. You could compliment her clothes, hair, eyes, say you like her perfume if you have got that close! Pay attention to what she is saying. I say again – pay attention to what she is saying! May sound obvious but you are going to have to do an awful lot of this if this encounter leads anywhere. So if you can’t t do it now -forget it. The biggest problem women have with men is that they don’t listen actively and remember. So start NOW.
6. Smile and Keep Smiling.
During the course of the conversation, if she is smiling back and being receptive ask a few more personal questions like where do you work, shop, live etc. and then ask her if she would like to………..whatever you think she would like which is relevant to the situation you are in. If you meet at an ice-skating rink ask her if she would like to come with you on another visit. If you are at the opera ask if she has seen ‘whatever is on next season’ and come with you. Use your imagination guys and make the effort! We women really appreciate it. If you get her number well done. If you don’t, whatever you do don’t take it personally. She may be married, gay, in a relationship, celibate or busy. I have been asked out by lovely guys whom I would love to see again but I was really busy or in a relationship already. So take heart and keep on trying. You have nothing to lose and it is all good for experience. So if you have her number you will be going on a date. Good for you. Now you have to develop and maintain the relationship. So learn all you can to make this easier and you will have more chance of success.
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