“To each his own,” my mother used to say, and as long as you’re not forcing anything on someone–who am I to judge?
This is not a graduate thesis or anything, but rather a summary of observations I’ve made about older men for younger men over the past two years while working for an online gay dating service.
Also, I will mention only what I’ve learned by talking with with adults over 18 that express an interest in intergenerational gay dating.
While working on an online hookup site, I’ve noticed an interesting occurrence of intergenerational gay dating. I’m not sure how many gay men are attracted to other adult men of significantly different ages. But I’ve definitely noticed that there are a lot of mature men seeking less mature men, and plenty of younger men who want to meet older men as well. Someone might have some data on how many men are into intergenational gay relationships, but through discussions and contacts, I’ve heard some very interesting insights.
Some younger guys tell me that they’ve been attracted to older men since they first came out of the closet. Likewise, they often report sensing that many older men seemed to like them back. Younger guys who are attracted to mature men have told me that they sometimes feel alone with these feelings, and that even their gay and lesbian friends don’t understand so much.
I’ve even spoken to one guy in his 60’s who tells me that as he grows older, he’s attracted exclusively to guys 20 years or more his senior! The guys around my age (and even some older) who are attracted to older men have told me that what attracts them most for younger men for older men is that they are more sophisticated, experienced, and level-headed than their peers.
Conversely, I’ve also had some in-depth discussions with a couple of older men for younger men. They explain to me that they feel more comfortable with younger, more energetic and optimistic partners… and that on rare occasion, they’ve been lucky enough to find younger guys who reciprocate their feelings.
Now, I have to point out one thing that came up in nearly every conversation I’ve had. A lot of older men seem to be suspicious that younger men view them only as sugar daddies. Interestingly, a lot of younger men seemed suspicious about the same thing… that they would be perceived as gold diggers, on a rush for a rich gay sugardaddy. It seems that in this economy, suspicion gets the better of everybody. Again, who am I to scrutinize the motives of others? As long as you’re not taking advantage of anyone…
Most interesting to me of all is that with all the isolation they deal with, they actually are out for a real relationship… or at the very least a genuine one night stand. But money grubbing is the last thing on their minds.
It’s a simple issue of “to each his own,” and thankfully the Internet has been able to bring the members of this community, with their intergenerational adult relationships, together.
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Bob H Hawkins