Remember the first Matrix movie, where Neo meets the spoon bending boy at the oracle's waiting room? The boy teachers Neo the secret – There are no spoon. It's the same with marriage; there are no walls. If marriage is a prison, it is all in your head. You are free to do anything you want. Really. You see, the confinement of marriage is fictitious. It is made up by barriers that disappear once you identify them. They are called expectations.
Expectations can build strong prisons that will suck the will to live out of you. How? By confining you to a life where you spend your timed trying do what's 'right' instead of living your potential or pursuing your dreams.
And expectations attacks from all sides, from your family, from her family, from your woman and even from yourself. Everyone and anyone has an opinion or notification on how married life should be. You should have certain ways and stay far away from certain behaviors. These restraints are cruel, but we accept them. We sometimes call it tradition.
OK. Enough beating around the bush. Here are my list of the top ten expectations:
1. You should feel the love for your wife at any time.
This is a romantic ideal that has it's root in fiction, not life. It's not possible to feel love at all times. Beside, love is best shown in action. You tell her you love her by sticking around, by taking interest in her, by doing stuff together, by romantic gestures and so forth.
2. Your love for her should make you spend less time with your friends.
I do not know where this comes from, but it's a relationship killer. A man needs his friends.
3. You should be soul mates, telling everything to each other.
This is what a lot of women hope for, but only a few achieve. But it's not important. You do not have to be soul mates to have a great marriage. The important stuff is caring for each other, enough to be in it for the long haul.
4. Your love for her should make you never want to look at another woman.
Impossible. Men look at women. Period. But that does not mean that we're stray for any temptations.
5. You should be the handyman, she should be the caring mother.
If that's what you want, then sure. Go ahead. But do not arrange your marriage this way just because that's the norm. There's a lot of guys who stays home with the children while the woman brings home the bacon.
6. You should have sex 3.4 times a week.
Or whatever the average is, right? Wrong. Having less sex does not make your marriage bad. Like more sex does not necessarily make it better. The important thing is to have sex. Good sex. As often as you both want to.
7. You should buy or build an expensive home.
And balance on the brink of bankruptcy for years before you finally pay down the mortgage and can sell the house for a financially secure retirement. If you'd rather live in a trailer and be able to take a six months sabbatical, why not?
8. You should have 2.6 children.
Have as many children as you want. If you want to raise a kindergarten, then just do it. If you do not want children, that's good too. It's not every persons obligation to reproduce.
9. You should get a practical, responsible family vehicle.
Like a minivan. Slow, safe and roomy. I had one and loved it. But who says you should. If you'd rather keep that convertible and pull you children to school on a little red wagon, you're the man!
10. You should grow old together.
Yes, this is what you promised. But ease up a little. You can not force a marriage to last. Beside, on the final day you will not be judged by how long your marriage lasted. Live your life. Love your wife. Have fun together and make plans for the future. Who knows? It might just last till death do you part.
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