The 2 Necessary Ingredients You Need for Learning to Trust Again After an Affair

Has your world been turned upside down by your husband's affair? Has it left you feeling physically ill, depressed and humiliated?

When you first learn that the person you trusted and loved has been unfaithful to you, the tidal wave of emotions can sometimes be overwhelming. You probably thought like most people do that you would grow up and find the love of your life, get married and buy a house together, have children and grow old together.

I'm sorry your husband or boyfriend cheated on you. But I want you to understand one thing; you can recover from an affair and rebuild a stronger and more fulfilled relationship with the person you love.

The most common problem

The most common problem that you face and need to over come is trust. Your relationship has taken a major step back and it's going to take some time to get used to each other again. It's OK to be mad at him. The affair is still buzzing in your head, you do not know all the details and it's driving you crazy.

When he goes away on business, is he meeting up with her? Are they still exchanging text messages and emails? Maybe they're friends on Facebook? These are all questions racing around in your head that need to be answered by him.

So what do you do next?

Trust is a two-way street in a relationship; in order to get it you've got to give it and both of you are going to have to bring something to the table if you want to fix your relationship.

What do you need from him?

What you need from him is to establish a habit of predictability again because it was unpredictable events and habits that lead to the affair. Take a pen and paper and write down your expectations of him, show him what he needs to do to regain your trust. He needs to reassure you that his actions and motives are true to you and your relationship.

What does he need from you?

You need to be candid with him. Let him know how his actions of deceit and betrayal hurt you but that you still want to salvage the relationship. Avoid name calling because this will only cause him to shut down and you will not get the answers for the questions you have. When you have a conversation, you control the agenda and the depth of detail; after all, he cheated on you.

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Kurt Foulks

Author: admin

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