I have been reading many interesting articles and some books attempting to probe into some of the reasons why more and more white men are beginning to date black women, why others still don’t, and why some may still be oppose to it. So first, why are white men dating black women?
As a white man dating black women, I am going to give you my perspective on this topic. As a clarification, I want to make it clear that I don’t try, at least not consciously, to limit myself to dating or solely pursuing black women. I would like to think that I am and have been open to dating women from all different cultural and racial backgrounds. However, as the popular saying goes, once I did go black, it seems as if, at least lately, it has been hard for me to go back.
I have heard many reasons for why white men find black women attractive, for example, black women have confidence and tenacity, their undeniable achievements in face of adversity has made black women like diamonds in the rough, or that black women have beautiful lips, curves, wonderful skin, and other attractive physical features, or finally that black women are very sexual.
While I believe that many of those stereotypes might often be true and probably contribute to white men wanting to date black women, I think those reasons fail to address the most fundamental reason, which is simply that differences attract.
This is not to say that all black women or white men could be stereotyped to be one way. And obviously, many cities around the world are becoming more diverse, and thus interracial dating has simply become more accessible and acceptable. The narrowing of socio-economic gaps between people from different cultures and races in many instances has then also furthered this progress.
But if I try to carefully examine my own reasons for dating interracially and intercultural, the conclusion I have come to is that white men dating black women (or many other interracial mixes) are often in many ways comparable to the interplay between the different poles of a magnet. There is some chemistry that I cannot deny that makes me personally very attracted to many black women. This is not to say that I don’t find women from other races and cultures attractive or have chemistry because I do.
However, it is polarity and differences that create passion and tension in relationships. On one hand, the more differences a couple has in a relationship, the more attraction, passion, and chemistry they can potentially experience together, but on the other the more challenges they will also face in reconciling and learning to respect those differences. While it is differences that create passion, it is similar values that create unity.
Let me just clarify that when I talk about our differences I do not mean in anyway to imply that just because opposite sex, or people from different races or cultural, religious, or political persuasions or backgrounds have differences that therefore one sex, race, culture, religion, or political persuasion is better than another one.
As human beings we are all intrinsically equal and always more similar than different, but it is very important to recognize that it is hence always our failure to understand our differences in a positive way that create all of our misunderstandings and disrespect to one another. It is small unresolved misunderstanding that ultimately create all of the conflict in this world.
So if it is differences that attract, why many white men are still not dating black women? There are many reasons for this. Some of those reasons are that many white men still deem black women inferior to white women or black race inferior to white race, in many parts of the world it is still not socially acceptable for a white man to date a black woman, many white men are still scared to socially admit that they are attracted to black women, many white men do not want to have black children (and thus won’t even consider dating a black woman), many white men are scared of how others think of them dating a black woman, other white men simply prefer white women or women from another race, and yet other white men may simply not have access to dating black women even if they wanted to.
Obviously there are also many other reasons that might contribute to why some white men may not want to date black woman that can range anywhere from insecurities of not being able to satisfy a black woman sexually due to stereotypes of a black men being superior to fears of being an inadequate father to a black child and anything in between.
And while many white men are missing out on the growing pool of smart, beautiful, educated, successful black women, unfortunately there are still also those who oppose to white and black dating altogether like Keith Bardwell a justice-of-piece who recently opposed to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple in Louisiana.
The reason why some white men are opposed to interracial relationship is primarily ignorance, which ultimately stems from insecurities and fears. In Louisiana, for example, due to the horrifying history of black slavery and the resulting segregation between white and black race, racism can still be felt even today. Many white men in many parts of Louisiana has grown up seeing the results of oppressed, underprivileged, uneducated, and poor black men and women and still ignorantly believe that it is somehow the color of the skin that is the primary cause for their more unfortunate circumstances. And while in one way they are correct, unfortunately in another way it continues to perpetuate their justification for racism and own ignorant prejudices.
So there you have it, a short exploration to some of the reasons why white men are dating black women, why some white men are still missing out, and while other white men ignorantly choose not to accept it altogether.
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